驽骍难得

by Phillip Morgan


A song was heard in China
in the city of Beijing.
In the spring of 1989
you could hear the people sing.
And it was the song of freedom
that was ringing in the square,
the world could feel the passion of
the people gathered there.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

For many nights and many days,
waiting in the square.
“To build a better nation”
was the song that echoed there.
“For we are China’s children,
we love our native land,
for brotherhood and freedom
we are joining hand in hand.”
Oh children, blood is on the square.

Then came the People’s army
with trucks and tanks and guns.
The government was frightened
of their daughters and their sons.
But in the square was courage and
a vision true and fair,
the Army of the People would not harm
the young ones there.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

On June the 3rd in China,
in the spring of ‘89,
an order came from high above
and passed on down the line.
The soldiers opened fire,
young people bled and died,
the blood of thousands on the square
that lies can never hide.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

For four more days of fury
the people faced the guns.
How many thousands slaughtered
when their grisly work was done?
they quickly burned the bodies
to hide their coward’s shame,
but blood is thick upon their hands and
darkness on their names.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

There are tears that flow in China
for her children that are gone.
There is fear and there is hiding,
for the killing still goes on.
And the iron hand of terror can
buy silence for today,
but the blood that lies upon the square
cannot be washed away.
Oh children, blood is on the square.

这会儿二教407正在上《史记》研究的最后一课，我没有去。刚才破碗发来她的年终总结七律，我才想起来，又是阳历除夕了。

似乎可以写点什么。可是文字从来不是通向内心的坦途。它挂一漏万，避重就轻。被写下的斩钉截铁，被遮蔽的万劫不复。而且，也并不是写出来了，就和算过去交割完毕。我不愿意写，我甚至不愿意去“想”——人总得给自己的历史一个说得过去的解释，“想”是辩解、是指认、是编造，“想”创造神话。至少就理性贫弱的我而言，反思是如此的靠不住。

破碗有一句话说得很是，很多事不应该现在就当作结果来看待。也许对生活中种种暗涌的可能性，抱着不主动、不拒绝的态度，会比较自然吧。当然，不要指望“不负责”。换句话说，勿忘勿助，或者再换句话说，就是正心诚意的领受自己的命运吧，“不仅要忍受必然性，而且要爱它。”

虽然不打算再仔细去写，然而这一年里我走过的地方，比如南监的古籍部、文科楼，比如初夏的蒋山、甘家巷，比如八月底的杭州，和秋天里的高石墓，还有在这路上遇到的人，我不敢忘记。我从不自信，你们给予的友爱，我未尝视作理所当然。这一年最美好的际遇，也许就是发现我恋慕的人们，也在喜欢我。

新年快乐，愿你们都平安。